The Last Blog

Here it is the final blog. Well senior year is almost at a close, and yet I am still a child haha. The other day i got into the Univeristy of Minnesota Twin Cities. I was pretty much set on going to Duluth after being wait listed at the U. Now i have a very difficult decision to make. This will take some time. I think I will enjoy both campuses but I don't know if I am going to allow this opportunity to go to the U slip away. Yesterday was the last day with my kid in early childhood development. His name was Devon and he was nothing short of a gangster. He is four years old and we actually became pretty good friends over our time spent together in that class. It was pretty sad to see him go for the last time. He brought me a thank you card. It was pretty damn cute, I gotta say. I hope he grows up strong and bold, I got high hopes for him. Lately I have realized I give out a lot of words of wisdom that I; myself, do not even live by. I found this to be a strange realization. I need to be more conscious of myself before making suggestions for others. This is difficult, but the best rewards come from the hardest work, most of the time. Life is very fragile, a very fragile beautiful gift. It is so easily stripped from us. I have just finished reading "All Quiet On The Western Front" and am currently enrolled in a World Wars course at school. There was so much life lost in those wars, so many men who will never get to blossom as human beings because all they had was given, and taken, in the wars. I find it pretty fitting that this weekend is Memorial Weekend, and I am contemplating all of this. Those men can not be forgotten, we must live on and achieve our dreams in their absence. I am going to a cabin up north with my family this weekend, it will be good to be in nature with my thoughts. It always comes back to mother nature, if you think about it we are all really a part of her. You can feel it when you're in untouched nature, away from industries. The trees and water bring fresh air and life to your body in every moment, it is stupendous. Love.

new ish

Thinking of a new topic, I get a new thought than tend to drop it. My attention is flippin on and off and it's hard to stop it. Another aimless rant is my final solution. Big problems need big solutions, like big spilled oil rig pollutions. We got real big economic institutions taking over the rights of the constitution. And what about the news kid? I got that propaganda news flash all on the TV. But I'm not really with that and that will never be me. I try to stay strong, believe, and just live through it. But before long a police state is at your door and they just kick through it. And im through with it. I can't just act happy like I'm cool with it. I refuse to be a fool with it. I do not want to hear about our plan in Iraq and Iran. I would rather give a prayer for the lost, dead in the sand. See it's mostly all madness, clear cut sadness. I got a heavy weight on me, do the ones responsible have this? So now i gotta rap this. Because whatever happens, happens, and I want it to be known. That I wasn't just a another laughin actin clone. I know I can't be alone. Please call my cellular phone and let me know I'm not alone. Or text me i got no preference. The fact we are living in a tech era is evident. I've had it with the bullshit that's not really relevant. I'm gonna scream out for the hell of it. Just to be. Why wont people free; their essence, i want to feel their presence, but mostly we all aren't really that present. But like they say big problems need big solutions. Like those big oil rig pollutions. Think of a solution? I really can't, but I might just let off an aimless rant.

Lake of the woods adventures part 2: the crestliner strikes back

We all got up at 4 am on saturday. Yes you read correctly. Half conscious, I gathered my poles and tackle and made my way down to the dock. It was still very dark out. We had 3 boats between 9 people so we split into 3 3-man teams and departed. My boat was the last to leave. Our resort was situated back in a bay so there was about a 10 minute boat ride to reach the actual lake front. My boat (which was a crestliner) got about half way when we started running into problems. The boat suddenly shut off by itself and the motor came up out of the water spontaneously. We were like wtf? So we put the motor back in and started on our way again, and it happened about 5 minutes later. So we put the motor back in once again and tried to keep going. The motor died like 5 more times before we decided to head back. Before doing so, we put the anchor in the water and watched the sun come up. It was beautiful. We barely made it back to the dock. Relieved, but frustrated; we returned to the campsite. We had to wait a couple hours for the lodge to open up so someone could look at our boat. To waste the time we made a good meal of brats and hashbrowns to eat up before we went out again. Eventually someone fixed our boat and we got on our way. I was excited to finally see the lake and all of it's glory. As we came out of the bay I was shocked at first glance when I saw the sheer size of the massive body of water. You can't even see across it. After snapping a couple pics we began to fish. We fished for about 3 hours but with little luck. We retired for the rest of the afternoon and met the rest of our group at our campsite. We filleted some of the fish the other boats caught (including a 26 inch walleye and a 28 inch northern) and we ate them up for dinner. We all went out again in the evening. We all got in new groups and went off into the lake once again. Me and my new group ended up getting the crestliner stuck in the mud in a shallow zone of the bay. We had to actually get into the frigid water and pull the motor out of the muck, it was miserable. It was worth it though because we stopped at a state park beach on a pier and watched the sun go down. It was one of the most incredible sights I have ever seen. The sky was different shades of red, orange, purple, and blue. The water complimented this scene, it really made me appreciate the beauty of life. After this astonishing scene we boated back into our dock and returned to our site. We enjoyed another fire and stargazed. The stars up there are unbelievably bright and you can make out many constellations. Most of the group retired pretty early but me and 2 other friends stayed up very late discussing the concept of life and human behavior. It was very enlightening hearing my buddy's points of view. We eventually retired to our tents so we could get up early enough to pack up and leave at a relatively early hour. All in all it was a great trip. It really brought me closer to my friends and mother nature. We all agreed we would do it again soon.

lake of the woods adventures Part 1

On friday of last week, 8 friends and I embarked on a fishing expedition that took us all the way up to the beautiful lake of the woods in northern Minnesota. The drive was long, taking about about six and a half hours. We spent our time in the car shooting dice on my phone. Pretty much we gambled all the way up and I came out with a few extra dollars. One of my friends made about 15 bucks, another lost about 10. We were ecstatic when we finally reached our destination. We took no time in setting up our campsite at the resort. We got our tents put up and we started to feast. We all brought way too much food so we decided we better get an early start on it. I made some polish sausages on the grill (which were tasty) and we just kicked back by the fire. We could not go out and fish on our boats until the opener, which was the next day, so we decided to cast off the dock a little bit. I was the first successful fisherman in the group when i snagged a little northern. It was about 14 inches so I just tossed him right back into the murky depths. After about a hour or so we got bored of this activity and retreated back to our campsite. We got a roaring fire going and we just kicked it. I whipped out the guitar for some campfire jams and we got some music going. We ate and drank until our last two friends arrived at the lake around midnight. They had left much later than us. So after about another hour of socializing with our newly arrived companions, we decided it would be time to hit the hay. We were to have an early morning.

Steady Bloggin'

Another thursday, chilling in the library trying to get some words in the blog. Ya know whats good. Right now I'm pretty excited for my fishing trip this weekend. Me and some homies from the way are going up to scenic and quite massive lake of the woods. The wilderness feels inviting after months of indoor living. I feel it will be a real breath of fresh air mentally and physically. Hopefully I do not get rained on, but none the less I plan on having a great time. Yesterday I attended another Twins game at the new stadium. The boys came through with a win so that was legit, they have won all 3 games I have seen at the new joint. Delmon Young is really coming along, he was the key player with two doubles and a single, hitting three for four. It feels good to see Joe Mauer healthy, and back in the line up. I think the Twinkies got a world series season brewing over at Target Field. Lately I have been freestyling more. I kind of quit rapping for a minute when I picked up the guitar, but now I'm back at it. I suppose I just had a few of those times when I wasn't confident enough to put down flow, and I got discouraged. I have learned you have to be sure of yourself if you are to succeed. How can others rely on you if you can't even rely on yourself? It's a crazy game that life, but like it or not; a little confidence helps you win. People judge you the moment they see you, regardless if they are conscious of that fact or not. A lot can be told about a person by the way they carry themselves.

clever title here

What do you want to read about? What do you want to hear? About my struggles? Joys? Meditations? It is all pretty trivial at this point. When trying to write something of substance I usually lose myself along the way. I want to stay present through this writing. I don't want to list off a bunch of ideals I believe you should live your life by, because I don't practice a lot of what I preach so why should you. I just want to go home and go to bed. If sleep debt exists I am pretty deep in the hole. Where do I begin to feel young and innocent again? I can stop my actions but just the knowledge I now contain within myself will forever stain me. I want to believe there is a positive future over the horizon but there is not. Not anymore. How do I succeed? By making a lot of money and having a nicer house to worry inside of? I don't know if I have grown as a person at all or if I have just been shrinking away from what is pure. What is pure? Love? The word is used in so many instances. Is love the way I feel when I am in nature feeling the trees give me energy? Or is it just the overpowering feeling of lust that can take over from time to time? Maybe it is simply a smile from a friend to a friend. Yeah thats a good feeling, I can go with that. I wanted to end my blog post in that last sentence but I was not completely sure if that would be "enough" to get the points.

Hey Hi Whats up? Your attention please!

As good hip hop floods my ears with sick beats i begin to bust out some words. Lately there has been some weight on my shoulders, with all the graduation business and my lack of attention span conflicting with my increasing work load. I still find a lot of time to smile though, but on the other hand there is also sorrow. But I feel they are in a healthy cycle although it is hard to except emotions at times. I find it beneficial to take a step back and look at the big picture, this usually makes me stop feeling sorry for myself. Life is a precious thing, if you can't love life than it is usually hard to love in general. I know sometimes that I get that empty feeling that I am not quite complete as an invidual but that is hogwash. How could I be more complete? If i had a another arm maybe? Nah two is just fine, but the third could probably help me sort out some of the more difficult chords on the guitar. I am getting quite excited for the warm season. My senses are longing for the familiar indulgences of the summer and it's activities. Excitement for college life has also set in pretty deep in my brain, I am looking forward to the radical change. High school really does go by as fast as the burnout graduates tell you. My only adivce to incoming students would be just to take it all in and not to get lost in your own mind when going through their education. As dull as the whole experience may seem, it does bring you closer to the people you love everyday. But that is just from my perspective I can not see through your eyes, but I can look into them. Nice eyes ya got there.

On Entering The Library

Once again today after lunch, I mistakingly went to the classroom instead of the library and got owned when the door was locked. I got over it though and began my retreat to the other side of the building. As I walked it occured to me just how close I was to being finished with this place forever. Matt had brought up an interesting point earlier when he had asked me about whether or not it was the building itself that was making my time here dull or if it was the individuals themselves. I thought about it for a moment and probably decided it was a mixture of both. Everyone here, myself included, are mostly just zombies that roam the halls once a bell is rung. But there is the exception of those few moments that you are around those you feel comfortable with, and your real self comes out. But I suppose a change of scenery could help too. It is pretty unsignificant though when it comes down to it. But then what is significant? Your shoes? Blogging? Loving? Life itself is the only thing that is of true significance. Everything else is just experiences inside life. Wait what am I talking about? I guess if you understood than we are on the same page but then again these words can be interpreted in any which won woozle way you want. I am only trying to write something you will find entertaining.
Trying to catch the moment but lost and unfocused =
Push keys and reread, another backspace
another day, another dollar, another sad waste
Want to surrender, but still defensive
Trying to hard, way too apprehensive.
Please, please let it be let it be
I want to find truth in everything I see
I want to let go and and be free be free
But all I can do is let it be let it be